For my friend, Marina-still a child.
What lies beyond programme is not chaos: it’s life.
Programmes exist not only to tame a chaotic life, but mainly to facilitate and elevate it.
So we may say: do not wait for progammes as if you are waiting for authoritative powers to justify your existence. There is life happening out there and you make it happen as much as the others.
But now, it is me who takes the role of an authoritative power and tells you what to do. Instead: I will tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a little girl. That little girl did not wonder if it was beautiful or not, thin or not, tall or not. She just waited each year for the summer to come and go and play by the sea and in the sea. She was quite romantic that girl, a creature that floated on clouds- even though a sea lover.
However, something happened- an event that she cannot recall- and that girl, from a violently young age- started to act by programme: either for it or against it.

To make things more clear: she started eating so as not to get fat- although she was not. And every time she ate something fattening, she felt that her mischief would put her out to chaos. The only way she felt saved was through the programme. She listened carefully nutritionists, doctors, models or her grandmother- she was such a beauty when she was young and her critical eye now was the most severe judge.
Always under the looks and eyes of others. Always under their looks.

And the girl forgot how to look herself with her own eyes, how to feel her body and how to feel her beauty rather than define it and name it. She was in need of a pause.
Sadly though, the pause for the girl was not a pause but it was a paralysis. Pause promises life, it is a temporary dynamic rest full of possibilities. But her pause was a stop, a small death (and not one promising an afterlife) with none possibilities.

This girl now is 30 years old. And she’s just a child. Still.